Building Better Boundaries Pt. 2: Communication is Key

A month ago, we chatted about setting boundaries in your family system, and went over a three-step process to set and keep boundaries: understanding your limits, communicating clearly, and staying consistent).  Two weeks ago, we followed up to clarify how to do the personal-work behind boundary setting. ICYMI (in case you missed it), the highlights are:

• Reflect on your core values - what is important to you?

• Tune into your emotional and physical responses - what does your body say about your boundaries?

• Confront the emotional barriers to setting a boundary - how is shame, guilt, and/or people-pleasing keeping you from setting a boundary?
  

Now that we’re clear on step one - know thyself - we’re moving on to step two: communicating clearly.

Boundaries are most effective when communicated clearly. Whether in relationships, at work, or in social settings, expressing your limits in a way that others can understand is essential for maintaining healthy interactions. In this second part of our series, we’ll explore practical strategies for communicating boundaries in ways that foster respect and mutual understanding.

While the thought of voicing boundaries might feel intimidating, the right communication tools can help you express your needs with confidence, paving the way for stronger, more balanced relationships.

Want some practical strategies to help you communicate boundaries clearly? Read on for three tips from the holistic healers at Rise and Thrive Counseling! 

Tip #1: Use “I” Statements to Focus on Your Needs

Using “I” statements allows you to frame your boundaries in a way that is less likely to put others on the defensive. This helps center the conversation on your feelings and needs, rather than on what the other person may be doing wrong.

Try these tips when using “I” statements: 

• Express your emotions: Start by sharing how certain actions or situations make you feel, such as, “I feel stressed when there’s last-minute work added to my schedule.”

• Request specific actions: Follow your emotion with a direct request, like, “I’d appreciate it if I could have a heads-up a day in advance.”

• Own your boundary: Emphasize that the boundary is about your needs, not about judging the other person’s behavior.

• Avoid blame: Steer clear of statements like “you always…” or “you never…,” which can make the other person defensive.

• Clarify your intent: Let the other person know that setting the boundary is about taking care of yourself, not controlling them.
  

Tip #2: Be Direct, but Respectful

Being clear and direct is crucial when communicating boundaries. It helps eliminate ambiguity and sets the expectation that your limits should be respected. Balancing assertiveness with kindness ensures the message is received without unnecessary conflict.

To be assertive and kind, you can try the following: 

• Be concise: Keep your boundary statement short and to the point. For example, “I need some quiet time after work to relax.”

• Maintain respect: Even when setting firm boundaries, speak calmly and respectfully to maintain positive dialogue.

• Avoid over-explaining: You don’t owe anyone lengthy explanations for your needs. Simply state the boundary without feeling obligated to justify it.

• Stay composed: Tone matters. Use a calm voice to reduce the chances of escalating the conversation.

• Acknowledge their perspective: Showing empathy for the other person’s position can make them more open to accepting your boundary.
  

Tip #3: Time the Conversation Appropriately

Timing can be just as important as what you say when setting a boundary. Bringing up a boundary in the right moment can improve how it’s received, ensuring the conversation goes more smoothly.

You can time conversations appropriately by:

• Choose a calm moment: Bring up your boundary when emotions aren’t running high to avoid miscommunication or escalation.

• Find privacy: Have boundary-setting conversations in private to avoid unnecessary stress or embarrassment for either party.

• Be proactive: Don’t wait until you’re frustrated or overwhelmed to set a boundary. Address your needs early on to prevent misunderstandings.

• Give the person time to process: After stating your boundary, give the other person a chance to absorb what you’ve said. Avoid rushing the conversation.

• Schedule difficult conversations: If the topic is sensitive, consider scheduling a time to discuss the boundary so both parties can come prepared.
  

If you want more holistic help, look no further than Rise and Thrive Counseling. Our holistic counselors can help address all areas of life. Reach out today to learn more. We look forward to hearing from you!